Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

July 1, 2012

A Movie To End All Movies

The Hunger Games – 1/10

Logan Haffner

This movie is bad. The plot is boring, predictable, and flat. The characters are forced, and you can feel the movie trying to tug you in emotional directions instead of letting you make decisions on your own like a big boy. I’ve never read the books, and still I found myself finishing character’s lines. I’m still mad at Woody Harrelson for agreeing to be in it. Not to mention, does anyone remember Jennifer Lawrence from last year’s “Winter’s Bone”? When she was nominated for an Oscar on her first A list movie ever? What the f*ck happened there?

I’m tired of people telling me this movie is better if you’ve seen the books. First of all: no. It’s not. This movie is shit, a book doesn’t make it better. Second of all, movies based off of books should be able to stand alone as entertainment media. I don’t want to have to read a shit book to better understand a shit movie.

The problem with The Hunger Games, as opposed to other movies based of books that weren’t done well is that they assumed everyone watching the movie HAD read the books. So not only are we left with an overly simplified version of book, we’re left with tons of unanswered questions about almost every aspect of the games and this world they exist in. Not to mention, the books are supposedly prided on being gruesome and gritty, and the movie fast-forwards over the violent bits, giving the audience a very shallow sense of the danger the kids face. In contrast, slow and almost pointless scenes are drawn out almost to the point of agony.

It takes a lot for a movie to get this low of a rating from me. I drop a 1 on this movie because I left the theater feeling absolutely nothing. No. Wait. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten for, like, 7 hours.

October 8, 2011

Pretty, Modernized Poop Is Still Poop

Tron: Legacy: 3/10

Logan Haffner

I know some people who really liked this movie, and when I say that, it’s important that you realize I actually mean I know no one who really liked this movie. That is mostly because this movie is not very good.

Tron: Legacy is more or less a modern recreation of the revolutionary Disney film from 1989, “Tron.” The plot is an extension of the original, but they make sure to structure it in a way to constantly attempting homage to it. The bikes with the deadly trails they leave, the disc fights, the stupid outfits, are all included and have been touched up to seem more modern and bad ass. I suppose they achieve that in image only, but the fact is Tron was a movie for nerds, and Tron: Legacy has completely removed the nerd factor by making this movie an effects-driven action flick centered around stylized fighting and hot chicks with form-fitting clothes. Also, everything is either black, clear or white, so that’s… something, I guess.

Sam Flynn is the son from the lead in the original Tron, Kevin Flynn. Years after his disappearance that we later find to be to “The Grid,” the world made up of programs we know from the original, Sam is a deviant with resources (he remains the majority shareholder of a massive company, “Encom,” created by his father’s legacy) who finds himself back in the grid after following a page he learned about that was sent from a line rolling a strong 20-year disconnect back at his dad’s old arcade. Immediatly we’re taught about a couple things:

Programs now run everything. They’re things that look like people in this world only they all wear read or orange with their black. Users (people form our world who log into the system) created the world because we’re people and we make these things. After the last movie left off, apparently Kevin Flynn has his copy, Clu, create a perfect system for the grid, and we’re now finding out that this, to Clu, means militant dictatorship. Kevin’s been trapped in the grid for 20 years or so because this uprising over the user(s) kept him from getting to the portal out.

Also, there are these things called Isomorphic Logarithms (ISOs) that Kevin keeps saying are going to end disease, hunger, and all the word’s problems in the real world. He never mentions how, though. So… yeah. I guess… there’s that. We learn that ISOs are self-created, so that’s cool, but all but one of them were killed a while back and now the one left is played by Olivia Wilde, so I’m not going to complain THAT much. Anyway, Sam is trying to rescue his father and this ISO, Quorra, before this portal closes again. They mention the portal’s gonna close in 8 hours, but the movie lasts over a few days and it never closes… so… not… yeah.

Confused? Yeah. Well, not so much confused as “this story is half-created. That’s kinda dumb.” And you’re right. It is kinda dumb. The movie is kinda fun, I suppose, but the plot, as you’ve now read, is boring and predictable. The characters are flat and have absolutely NO development, this whole conflict between Sam and Kevin because Kevin was gone for so long is talked about like it’s some big thing but never actually amounts to anything other than one awkward dinner conversation. The art direction is niffty, but its quality doesn’t extend beyond that level. The acting is pretty bad, save for Wilde, actually, and the plot just kinda lingers around without having any real rise or fall in action. It’s just kind of there. I felt no change, and with no change in tension or development of the story, I get bored and want to watch something else.

It’s okay as a movie, and it’s honestly bad as homage to the original Tron. All the elements that made Tron classic in it’s dorkiness and oddly advanced mathematical themes were cut out of Legacy and replaced with cheap thrills, and the whole time we’re forced to look at this terribly computer animated Jeff Bridge’s face on Clu. PEOPLE’S MOUTHS DON’T DO THAT, DISNEY! It was disappointing. But hey, people seem to love disappointing lately, so if you’re people, dive right in. I won’t stop you. I’m just an internet.