Archive for ‘Logan’s Reviews’

July 1, 2012

Don’t Get Robot Mad. He Will F*ck Up Your Sh*t.

Prometheus – 5/10

Logan Haffner

I liked this movie okay. It could have been better, but it’s hard to say I didn’t enjoy myself when it did so many things right.

The acting was kinda okay. It was all over the place, really. Some people (Charlize Theron…) were a big dissapointment. Michael Fassbender, on the other hand, was awesome as David, the first ever evil android. Very chilling. Very cool. Haha… see what I did there?

The movie really felt like they filmed it as they came up with the plot, like they would put stuff in like a giant white man drinking some black goop on a waterfall and then break down on a molecular level because it was neat, and then months later when they realize it had no purpose, it was too late to take it out, so they just wrote on.

A lot of plot twists didn’t really add anything to the movie. I say “a lot” because there are about 40, but none of them ACTUALLY change anything. You’re just like “oh, so that happened I guess.”

The special effects are really good, though. And they plant a lot of cool seeds for the Alien movies, to which this is an unofficial prequel. Unfortunately, the previously mentioned flaws leave you spending a lot of your time watching the movie wondering about answers to questions posed early and often, none of which are ever actually answered, which takes a lot away from the distinct universe the movie is trying to create. With so much unknown, you need to give your audience SOMETHING to root them, and Prometheus didn’t really do that.

I’m not going to ruin in here, but there is one scene that’s got to be one of the most disturbing scenes I’ve ever seen, and it’s able to be so terrifying because of how well it’s done. I give a lot of credit to the entirety of that scene. You’ve got to see it. Seriously. Even if you hate the rest of the movie, it’s worth it for that scene. Unless you’re like my brother Nathan and you pass out when shit gets real.

July 1, 2012

I Would Not Have Voted For This Bullsh*t

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2/10

Logan Haffner

I was expecting more from this movie. Don’t ask why. I had a moment of weakness, okay? I blame the drugs.

There are obvious problems with a movie like this (bad acting, terrible screenplay, etc.), but we expect those coming into a movie about our nation’s most storied president hunting vampires. The biggest issue with this movie is that it has an identity crisis. It’s a stupid movie. It’s bound to be stupid. I still wanted to see it along with 80% of the country. The problem is that this movie tries to be so much more. Instead of being a movie with slow motion, over the top, epic fight scenes left and right (such as 300 or Sin City), it places them sparkly in with an overly complicated plot that’s crammed into 1 hour and 45 minutes.

Relationships are over simplified, characters are non-existent, and there’s not really any reason to care about the plot. Its constant attempts to have a deeper point (it brings up the whole slavery issue about 30 minutes before the end and acts like this was the real issue the whole time, as opposed to fucking VAMPIRES) make it have no point at all.

We get the bad halves of two different movies and are left with an abbreviated storyline thought up by a nine year old who just learned about Abe Lincoln at school and caught a Buffy commercial when he got home. Meh.

November 1, 2011

R.I.P. James “The Rev” Sullivan

“Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold: 8/10

Logan Haffner

Please bare in mind that this album gets an 8/10 for people who actually like this kind of music. If you’re the kind of person who hates metal in all it’s forms, or even hard rock, don’t listen to this album based purely on what I say here like I know all of you people do and then get upset when it doesn’t compare to your precious Jossie and the Pussycats.

That being said, I’m not a huge fan of more hard core metal. I actually don’t like Metallica all that much, so if you’re like “OH YEAH, METALLICA,” because that’s what all you people totally say, you might not agree with me. Though it’s labeled as metal in iTunes and various Barnes & Noble music sections, I feel like Avenged Sevenfold’s later work (City of Evil, Avenged Sevenfold, Nightmare) is more along the lines of Rock, just super evil sounding. I don’t know. I’m not a music expert or anything, I just know where my brain goes when I think “METAL” and Avenged Sevenfold isn’t it.

Now that I’m done qualifying my review, I can say that this is my favorite of A7X’s albums. Though they all seem to have their moments, save for “City of Evil” which is kind of one album length moment, none of them have the full bodied depth and ability to consume you as “Nightmare” does. I tend to look at albums as a whole, so when there are weak points or songs that I generally skip, I don’t like the album as much. “Nightmare” is the only OFFICIAL concept album to be released by A7X, focusing around their deceased drummer, Jimmy Sullivan, who died of a drug overdose in December of 2009, shortly before recording and mixing began on the album.

The album plays like it should, talking mostly about times lost and how they wished they could have seen it coming. Tracks “Victim” and “Save Me” are particularly heartfelt for those who were keeping themselves informed of the Rev situation as it all went down. The album lacks A7X’s angry styles really affirmed in self titled, but it fits and it makes them sound less retarded. The album is depressing more than anything, but in a way that makes you feel for others, not sorry about yourself. Mark Portnoy, drummer for dream theater and Jimmy’s long-time idol, was invited on to record the drum parts for the few songs the Rev had not recorded already before he passed, and did his best to stay true to the style and charts the Rev had written.

Most notably, in my opinion, the track “Fiction,” first titled “Death” and renamed for one of Jimmy’s more popular nicknames as a kid, features drums and a vocal track recorded by the Rev three days before he died. The voice of Jimmy soaring over organ, cello and piano haunts you when you realize this was recorded less than 100 hours before he was found dead in his home, and wasn’t actually mixed into the track until months later.

The album concept reportedly went through many changes after the death of the Rev, song titles, lyrics and entire portions of songs altered to more suitably fit the new intent of the album: a monument to Jimmy Sullivan. The album serves this purpose well, and is well worth a listen for any who haven’t gotten around to it already (unlikely). My personal favorite track on the album, as emo as it sounds, is “Tonight the World Dies,” as it’s the single most haunting song I’ve heard in a long time, save for Tori Amos’ “Carnival.”

For those who don’t like A7X as it is, I don’t expect this album to change your mind on that. They’re still Avenged Sevenfold, even if a bit less obsessed with evil and hate. If you were on the fence about them, this may be the shove you need to really respect them as musicians. If you love them, you’ve probably already heard or even purchased the album, so I suppose this review really caters only to a small demographic of people; those who think A7X is a-okay. Now that I write that out and let it really sink it, it makes me question why I wrote this review. Huh.

October 22, 2011

Alice Is Not A Bad Ass Yet

Resident Evil: 3/10

Logan Haffner

You know all those trailers for the newer Resident Evil movies that show Mila Jovovich as Alice being a total bad ass? To someone who had never seen a single Resident Evil movie, these depictions of post-apocalyptic genetic experiment, Alice, are very misleading, because in the first movie, Alice is kind of a little bitch.

Not to say that I was expecting anything other than terrible shit from this movie, but I was kinda disappointed. Again, I had based all of my expectations off of the high-budget special effects witnessed in trailers for Resident Evil: Extinction and Afterlife, only to find that the first of the series must have had a tiny budget for actors and effects alike. I would mention the writers as well, but it’s a movie based off of a video game, I feel like there’s little more to be said.

Alice, as we come to find half way through the movie, is an agent working for a company called “Umbrella Corp.” To anyone who’s played at least one resident evil game, all this is common knowledge, but let’s pretend the people who read this blog have standards.


Umbrella is basically the “Mainstays” (a company that makes pretty much everything you would want in your home who’s merchandise is widely available at Walmart) of Raccoon City, a fictional place made up for this movie. Later in the series, however, the characters travel to very real places, so the point of creating this whole new world for 2 movies is lost on me. They make electronics and household gadgets and we come to find that they also happen to dabble in government secrets and chemical warfare. Alice, as we find, was involved in all of it, but her memory was wiped so now she’s just kind of a helpless doll with weird eyes.

Basically, Resident Evil is a glorified zombie movie centered around the idea that a “hot” chick can be a bad ass, but she doesn’t even become awesome until the last 15 minutes or so and even then it doesn’t seem bad ass, it seems really fake. So. Yeah.

The effects are crappy (like REALLY crappy, even for the time the movie was made) the acting is pretty terrible, the writing as awful, and the plot isn’t engaging at all. They’re trapped in a compound, the movie is literally them trying to get out with very few steps. Each step just takes a while. Being someone who’s only played Resident Evil 2 and 5, I can say that the movies are nothing like the games and probably just bought the title rights so they could use character names and places without paying fines.

The movie is exactly what it looks like, people. A medium-paced action flick with low budget everything and a huge feeling of dissatisfaction when it’s over. I looked at the credits rolling and felt as if the movie went nowhere. Not to mention, it’s structured so poorly there are hardly even rises and falls in action, more just one long string of events with very little segue. And Mila Jovovich.

October 11, 2011

Did You Try Turning It On and Off Again?

The IT Crowd (Seasons 1-3) : 7/10

Logan Haffner

Everything the British say is more of what they want it to be than if an American says it. Daunting, serious, emotional, awkward, and, most of all, funny. That being said, it’s not really fair to hold any british TV show up to american standards because they simply do it better automatically by being British. “The IT Crowd,” I imagine, is like England’s 30 Rock, I imagine, only less inventive and with more jokes that fall flat.

“The IT Crowd” is about Roy, Moss and Jen, three workers in the IT department at a large cooperation, Rentham Industries. We’re never told what Rentham does, nor does it really make a whole lot of difference. The show follows the three of them through varies issues and hijinks involving work, women, life, or their crazy boss, Douglas. Though the show focuses little on any real aspects of the IT department (other than the vast amount of stupid calls they apparently get), or really any part of actual business, it manages to play off the character traits a job like IT stereotypically attracts. The job acts more as a reason for these three character to be together than an actual plot topic, and it works well.

It’s typical british humor, if not a bit deluded for whatever reason. The vast majority of the jokes are funny enough, but every once and a while a joke comes along that lacks the sophistication you’ve come to expect from British humor. The show is filmed at a set and then played for an audience on a screening night and the laughter is recorded, and there’s something about audible laughter in a show that makes even actually funny jokes… not as funny. It certainly plays a role in the perceived funniness of the show.

There are 4 seasons, but I’ve only seen the first 3 (streaming on Netflix), and I swam through all 24 episodes in 3 days. The show flows well, it hits clever moments frequently, and (unlike some shows like “The Big Bang Theory” and “How I Met Your Mother”) they paint geeks in a light that makes them like normal people so you can actually relate to them, and seeing as how most of the humor in the show is reality based, it does well for the show. Some people may think that’s kind of an odd bit of feedback, but I’m more or less sick of shows that display nerdy characters as a spectacle to laugh at, where you almost feel like a loser for relating to them. These (mainly Roy) are real people. I mean… Moss is a little f***ed up, but we forgive him because he’s AWESOME.

The show is funny. Yes, deep, I know. But it’s good enough to merit the 22 minutes it would take to try it out, but not so great I’m insisting you give it a chance. I had a good time, anyway, and I feel like it’s a great show to toss between other more serious or committed television endeavors.

September 29, 2011

My Favorite Actor Is Better Than Your Favorite Actor

Capote: 8/10

Logan Haffner

It’s hard for an actor to get me to forget that they’re an actor. I’m not saying I’m well versed in the art of acting and my standards are so high that only the elite actors can please me at this point, I’m just saying I see an actor and I know he’s an actor. I mean it’s simple. I’ve seen them before as lots of other people, it’s just hard to get past that. Now and again, however, there’s an acting performance that totally masks the actor and leaves nothing but true, unblemished character, and I can become fully emersed in my movie experience. Philip Seymour Hoffman as Truman Capote is one such role.

I don’t want to say this movie is rated so high because of Hoffmans acting alone, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the largest factor. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of this movie. I mean I wouldn’t give it an eight if I didn’t. I’m simply trying to get across how amazing this performance is in my eyes. His character that he’s “created” (since Capote is a real person, I can’t give all the credit to the character writers, now can I?) is just so complete, I get lost trying to find the actor. I fail, of course, and then I end up here, writing about my gay crush I’m sort of just realizing as I type a post soon to be published on the internet… hmm….

Maybe not the best choice.

Capote is an author, though best known (at the time [the early 1960s]) for his work publishing short stories in the New Yorker and his novella, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”  The movie focuses around a group of murders committed in Kansas at that time, the murderers themselves, and Capote’s relationship with them and those around him as he writes (arguably) his most famous work “In Cold Blood,” the story of the murderers before, during, and after the crimes committed. The movie shows us Capote in many ways. How obsessed with himself he is, how obsessed with his work he is, and how much he utterly depends on those around him (even if just for attention) to get by with his life. This sounds a little simple, and it is. I’m not the best movie-pusher in the world, but you should trust the rating and not the explanation: THIS MOVIE IS GOOD.

The acting from all over is great, honestly. I don’t mean to get swept up in Hoffman and his gorgeous skin, as the whole cast does a fantastic job (which includes Catherine Keener as Harper Lee) in supporting Hoffman and maintaining the illusion as a whole. The flow of the movie is fantastic, and by the time the murderers are finally put to death (no, it’s not a spoiler, this is history, stupid), the movie and Capote have done such a great job at exposing and humanizing them that you don’t know how to feel about them dying. I mean… you kinda feel bad. And you know they did it! That’s crazy thing! Oh… oh man… it’s NUTS! Ah… movies.

So anyway. See this movie. Seriously. If you haven’t and you’re serious about movies, I’m sure it’s already on your list, but you keep putting it off because new Transformer movies keep coming out. Michael Bay will still be there tomorrow, loser, so get on Netflix (yes, Netflix, I just gave you a plug on our WIDELY successful movie blog. I expect compensation in services rendered) and move Capote to the top of your queue. Keep it on your coffee table until you feel like watching an emotionally stimulating movie, and put it in the DVD player. F*** bluray. You’ll thank me later. Or right then. I have no idea, I don’t know you.


September 27, 2011

This Review Is Very Long

Gears of War Trilogy: 9/10

Logan Haffner

The day I find a perfect video game with no real way to make itself any better at what it’s trying to do that it’s already done is the day that I stop playing video games. That day is never going to come. That being said, I have a very hard time imagining a game or game series than can come closer than Gears of War.

My guess is most people who read this will disagree with me. Not that Gears is a fantastic game, but that it’s so much better than other games or deserving of a rank as high as I’ve given it here. Most people aren’t me, and I’m the one with the blog, so they can all shove it. The fact is, I’m a fan of a very specific kind of game, and when I play Gears of War 1, 2 or 3, I feel like these games were made specifically to cater to my wants and needs. My involvement with a video game depends on a few key elements, which I will now discuss.

Story vs. Online Play- This is the largest thing that separates me from most Xbox 360 gamers. Most people who rock the 360 are into online play, massive multiplayer, and a versatile gaming platform. They want to be able to play what is essentially the same game over and over in different ways with many people so they can make themselves feel good about their respective penis sizes online in front of thousands of people. I don’t know what it is, but the 360 tends to attract the more technical and competitive gamers out there. Now I’m all for playing the shit out of a game, but I’m not about to throw in 48 hours to a game to max out my gamer score or fill up my achievements. I’m not looking to get online and try to beat everyone and their mother with my l337 haxorz headshot skillz. I want a game with an interesting story (like a movie that I’m controlling) that allows me just enough freedom to remind me that I’m controlling something and involving enough that I actually want to beat this game for the sake of the characters, not just so I can say I beat it. Gears does this… so very much, and with a story that last long enough to leave you wanting the next game, but not so long that you’re struggling to finish for the sake of calling it “done.” Gears took some hits in the press with Gears 1 and 2 with their lack-luster online gaming, but with Gears 3 new multiplayer platforms (and perfected Hoard mode from Gears 2) with ranking systems and custom multiplayer maps, Gears now appeals to an audience previously lost to this franchise: the intense gamers.

Graphics- Yes, I am a shallow gamer. I want a game that looks pretty. Like movies, if it looks too fake or their are laughable glitches, I’m going to enjoy my gaming experience less. Gears introduced one of the most visually seamless gaming experiences to hit the market, and has continued to build on that claim with Gears 2 and 3. The world is almost fully destructible, things look so real you can touch them, and gameplay does not sacrifice graphic quality from cut scenes. The developers put so much thought into every little detail years ahead of other games (like the barrel of your gun turning orange and steaming after you fire multiple shots that you see featured in Halo: Reach). Not to mention the art design and insane attention to detail is bafflingly intricate and dazzling on a massive scale.

Violence- Yup. I’m a little boy. I like to be able to kill things. Not only does Gears let you kill LOTS of things, it has hilariously meticulous ways to kill someone, and keeps very diligent records of how you do so. The weapon spread is massive, but not so much so that you feel bogged down or like you’re missing out. The game gives you enough options to keep you interested and excited, but not so many that it becomes a burden to try them all in the span of a game. Gears is more or less build on excessive gore, and it embraces that almost to the point of parody. It’s because of this balance that you’re able to enjoy a very intense, serious story with moments of “holy shit, that was f***ing awesome” that don’t take away from the body of the experience.

Gameplay- I want a platform that works and that comes naturally to my eyes and fingers. If I have to spend more then 10 minutes of total gameplay figuring out how the basic control template works, the designers have done something wrong. This game has LOTS of options, but it’s not complicated to figure them all out. Perfect.

Gears is the most flawless series I’ve ever played (shut up, die-hard portal fans. Your game is good, too), each new game besting the last. I just finished Gears 3 and am extremely sad the series is over. That being said, Epic Games, please don’t pull a Bungie. Just let it go. It’s perfect. Leave it at that.

September 22, 2011

Fast Cars, Gratuitous Violence, & Pink Cursive Credit Text

Drive: 8/10

Logan Haffner

No fair. You can’t put my second favorite actor (outside of his “Notebook” performance… and movie choice) in a movie with this much blood and realistic action and call the fight between that movie and my urge to hate everything a fair fight.

“Drive” is the story of our Driver, (who, come to think of it, never gets a name) pulling a sort of double life, split between being a movie stunt driver and a crime getaway driver. Personally, I feel the calmer of the two stories doesn’t get enough development, but thems the breaks. Driver falls (more or less) in love with our female lead, Irene (Carrie Mulligan) and her son, Benicio. Driver soon finds out, however, that Irene’s husband is in jail. W00t.

Driver’s getaway-driving life gets him into the thick of what appears to be a mob conflict with some bosses or underbosses or something (they don’t get to into the ranks within the organization beyond who’s more or less in charge of who, which I appreciate) thanks to his manager or sorts, Shannon (Bryan Cranston). The paths cross, Driver finds himself trying to save (yes, save) the husband of his female love interest from his shitty life and past with mob debt, and shit goes down.

Look, I don’t want to go beyond that as far as plot explanation because I urge all of you to see this while it’s still in theaters and be as blown away as I was. The acting across the board is fantastic. Honestly, I was sort of expecting it. This cast is loaded with harshly underrated talent. Gosling (though Brandon tends to disagree) manages to be balls deep in intense when his character, the cold, calculating Driver, needs to be. My roommate and I would look at each other after each scene where Driver gets angry and say “holy shit, dude.” Yeah, we’re pretty f***ing profound. Mulligan is off to a brilliant start in her career, and she doesn’t disappoint here, mastering the subtlety of her characters position in life and injecting just the right dose of 80s homage actress style.

The plot is involving, it’s exiting, it’s fast paced, and it’s full of interesting characters and development. It’s really a masterful joining of movie depth and crazy, bloodlust action that fuels both sides of the movie industry spectrum. I’m not the biggest fan of 80s movies, or really 80s anything, but this movie is all about the modernization of ideas and themes highly prevalent in 80s high-octane flicks. The muscle car chases, the gritty violence, the music styling, right down to the credit font; all perfected and brought up to modern standards and limits for our progressive movie enjoyment. Personally, I think they did a great job.

In my opinion, this is the best movie of the 2011 Oscar™ season (not that it has anything close to competition), and if the industry continues on its current crappy-as-balls path, I wouldn’t be surprised to see this pick up one of the 10 best picture nominations. It’s of that caliber. Now get the f*** up and find a theater.

September 16, 2011

Dear God, Kevin Bacon, Please Don’t Touch That Child

The Woodsman: 8/10

Logan Haffner

Never before, and I mean NEVER before, has a scene with nothing more than a conversation about birds between two people in a park with no emotionally jerking music made me feel so helpless and scared for someone that doesn’t exist. Oddly specific, you say? Well I don’t really care, that’s why I wrote it, stupid.

“The Woodsman” is the story of Walter (Bacon), a child molester who’s getting out of prison as the movie beings. His apartment is a dump that rests just next to an elementary school, where he tortures himself by the window looking out over the children running around and obsesses on multiple occasions. He’s gotten hooked up with a shitty job at a wood mill where he meets Viki (Kyra Sedgwick), a strong willed woman who forces her way into his life and helps him feel something for a not-twelve-year-old. Progress!

Walter faces adversity at work and gets hassled by a cop, Sgt. Lucas (Mos Def) at home, something which you would normally love to see a child molester get put through. The thing about this movie (and when I say “thing” I mean “one of the things” because there are, in fact, many) is that you not only aren’t happy to see Walter get put through hell on a daily basis by others, as well with fighting his own demons, preventing his own happiness on any level, you actually feel bad for the guy. Awful. They put Walter together in such a way that makes him just like everyone else. He’s nice enough, he keeps to himself, he seems honestly ashamed of his past, and all these things thrown together make you wish so badly for him to recover and not get into trouble. A movie that can make you get over the fact that this guy touches little girls is… clearly doing a good job. And, all recent Logitech commercials aside, Kevin Bacon is an amazing actor.

The most intense scene in this movie, and probably one of the most intense scenes in… all movies, is just Walter talking to a girl about watching birds. The constant parallels between this little girl and Walter, as if he’s just a child who’s obsessed beyond his control, watching birds or watching little kids, both out of reach… not to mention the little red riding hood references. The scene is crafted beautifully in that as you feel Walter getting closer and closer to sinking back into his old ways with this girl, you’re worried for the girl AND for Walter. I don’t understand. This guy who clearly wants to literally have this girl sit on his lap is making you worry… for HIM. This movie, at this point, causes you to fight yourself. That’s a good f***ing movie.

There are movies that are executed perfectly and are nothing short of moving art on film. There are others that just manage to make you feel something movies just don’t make you feel very often, however it may be, but it’s always real. Then there are movies that are just shit (I’m looking at you, Disney). This movie is the middle kind.

Any movie that can make me not think Kyra Sedgwick is doing nothing but making the world a more horrible place one episode of “The Closer” at a time is clearly doing something right. I suggest getting this movie if you haven’t seen it and watching it with someone else who likes the same kind of movies as you do, at night, when you have no plans for after the movie so you can focus. This criteria is voided, however, if this meeting with your “friend” is a first, second, or third date, regardless of emotional or physical progress within the relationship at that point. Trust me.

August 13, 2011

Why, In God’s Name, Would You Name Your Child “Dieter Dengler?”

Rescue Dawn: 5/10

Contemporary War Movie Rating: C

Logan Haffner

Normally I see a movie with Christian Bale and I assume it’ll be a 7 or higher and I think that may have been the biggest problem with “Rescue Dawn.” As is the case with all straight-dramas, over hype and built up expectations seemed to hurt this movie more than they would have had it been a shitty effects-driven flick like Transformers or something. I saw “war movie” and “Christian Bale” and I immediately think “ah, I war movie to end all war movies.” Then I put the DVD in the player and hit “play,” and that’s really where the problems started.

To say this movie had one real issue is a flat out lie, and my dad told me never to do that. He also told me to go to college, so there’s really only one real issue with this movie: melodrama. Sure, there are issues with over-acting, poor screen writing and a slow-moving plot (not to mention an abundance of hyphenated issues), but all of those can be explained by the director and writers trying to pump way too much drama where it has no business being pumped. The movie’s about a f***ing P.O.W. camp in Vietnam, I feel like the drama should come on its own. The writer didn’t feel the same way, however. The movie is just generally slow. They milk every conflict for every possible drop of sympathy milk, and I just had a bunch of sorry flavored ice cream in the last scene, so sympathy milk sounds terrible at the time.

Basically the first half minutes of the movie is watching Dieter Dengler (Bale) and Duane (Zahn) getting treated like shit by Asians and you’re more or less waiting for something to happen. There’s some talk about things happening, but it’s not tense at all. I feel nothing as they plot their escape, and I think most of that is due to the movie’s constant attempts to make me feel something. Seriously, I can’t say this enough: I want to care all by myself. Then they work out a plan, it kinda works and they escape with some boots.

Steve Zahn puts on a good show, I think. Some people disagree with me on this, but they need to STFU and get a movie blog if they want me to give any kind of a shit what they think about anything. I saw the guy in “Saving Silverman” as an animal control guy who lives with his fat gay friend played by Jack Black. It was quite a transition, and I was surprised by his ability to act well for a change. Unfortunately he dies half way through the movie after a debacle involving shoes, and we’re left alone with Christian Bale and his surprising debut in the field of over-acting in an ill-conceived Oscar attempt. So it’s just us, Dengler, and the haunting memory of Duane (no, but seriously. His ghost chills with us for a while and reminds us how cold the feet of a dead man are from time to time) alone in the Vietnamese  jungle.

The bond between Dengler and Duane is supposed to be this huge thing forged in the fire of mishap in war. I mean the guilt of losing Duane in the escape (he doesn’t make it. That’s the shoe debacle) drives Dengler a little off the deep end, and I guess I’m left scraping the walls of reason trying to find when the two of them got so close. They spend too much time trying to get us to feel a certain way and not nearly enough time giving us reasons to. It’s sad.

Look, the movie’s okay. I’m not a huge war movie person, and the fact that this is a somewhat poorly executed war movie makes it kind of hard to get into for me. Some people have liked this movie a lot, but again, I don’t put much stake in the opinions of people without blogs, and neither should you. You are nothing without us. NOW COMMENT, YOU MINDLESS DRONES!